PCOS...

I feel this entry is only necessary for two reasons 1)educate others and 2)empower myself to move past this diagnosis. What is PCOS? Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome...something I had no idea even existed until a month ago. Sure I've heard of women having ovarian cysts and how painful it could be but I never knew of PCOS which happens to be the most common female endocrine disorder. It also happens to be a big contributor of women's infertility and inability in conceiving. I could give you an overall anatomy review with big and overwhelming words but instead I'll give it to you from my point of view, someone who was recently diagnosed with PCOS. 

So basically what happens is unlike "normal" cycles my beautiful body doesn't release an egg, and I don't ovulate, there are multiple reasons this happens and like I said there's enough medical info out there if it interests you enough, look it up and do some research ;) However, I don't think anyone who hasn't actually EXPERIENCED this can really tell you how it feels, and even so every woman may not experience the same symptoms. However, I will be sharing my story which ties in the stereotypical symptoms for this disorder so if it sounds like something you're going through, do not hesitate to go get checked out. Keep in mind, this is my personal story I am not speaking for anyone else in this blog, but myself. 

This starts back in July when my migraines grew to be crippling and I was so sick of struggling with them for years. I would get the blinding spots and blurred vision along with light sensitivity and not being able to even eat. On top of these migraines I experience strong fatigue due to having had mono a few years ago, knocking out my immune system. Every time I started to feel better I got sick again and ended up having 4 mono flare ups in 6 months...all of this while I started my first semester at GVSU. So meanwhile trying to get these migraines under control after MRI/MRA and medicines that only made them worse, I decided to take myself off of my birth control which I didn't think much of anyways because I am married now, so having a child wasn't something we were afraid of any longer. However, after two missed cycles I began to think that I was possibly pregnant. After two home pregnancy tests read false I felt my hopes go down but my husband remained hopeful and supportive. A few weeks later I stepped on the scale and realized I had gained about 15lbs in 4 weeks, which has NEVER happened to me. It has always been a struggle for me to lose weight, especially after puberty but I have never gained that much weight, that quickly. Looking back I started to realize, I've gained an easy 50lbs since 2009. I may not eat that well or work out that often but I hardly eat at all because I never have an appetite and when I'm awake I feel so drained, depressed and anxious. It really hit me hard when I began to wake up and go to bed in constant pain. It hurts to stretch, sneeze, be intimate with my husband and other "normal" every day things. I started to shut down which made my depression and anxiety worsen. I had no idea why I was feeling this way, so I made a doctors appointment...

Of course I had convinced myself that I had some type of ovarian cancer or something else but I learned that my chances for OC actually are lowered by the fact that I've been on birth control since I was 15. I had only gone on BC at that age because my cycles were lasting for 6 weeks and happened about every 3 months if that which caused me to become anemic (low in iron and my hemoglobin was low). I was desperate for a fix, I just wanted to feel like a "normal" teenager. I never was able to have a normal cycle on my own and my acne never went away into adulthood. I had always had a feeling that I wouldn't be able to have my own children since I was about 14 but I never quite understood what my body was trying to tell me.

After an appointment with my primary dr she referred me to a wonderful OBGYN and he concluded with a pelvic exam and ultrasound that I have PCOS. I could see what they call "the string of pearls" that covered my ovaries. Last fall I had gone to the er for similar side and ovary pain but they had concluded it was probably an ovarian cyst that burst but they "couldn't really tell". Here I am a year later being diagnosed with not one or two ovarian cysts but a disorder where my ovaries were constantly covered with them. I always thought my first ultrasounds would be done for pregnancy and that it would be exciting. Instead  I was looking at my pearl like ovaries, feeling inadequate as a woman. It really hit me when I asked my Dr. if it would be difficult for me to have children and he said yes. He didn't say I would never have children but that it would simply pose more challenges. Anyone that truly knows me, knows that I've wanted four kids for as long as I can remember. I wanted to make a life and career out of being a stay at home mom eventually. The fact that my dream of that is even remotely at risk of not happening has sort of shattered my world. I am SO sick of hearing, "You will have kids, just not now..." or "You're too young to worry about having kids yet" or "You'll be fine and God will give you kids when He sees it fit." I feel like these messages come from people who love me, yes, and want to be supportive but don't know how. It's sort of how you feel helpless when someone loses a loved one. How are you supposed to say well I'm sorry your life is changing and all your dreams may never come true....that life you built may be gone and I'm sorry but it's because that's what God has planned. There is a time and a place for all of that...but right now when I feel like a failure is not that time...

I think for me, I need to redefine. I mean I have to change pretty much everything about my current lifestyle so I may as well redefine myself and my dreams. I may as well get to know myself again because I feel like a different person, trapped in a body that doesn't belong to me. And as dramatic as this seems, until you experience it, I'd rather not be told I'm "over reacting". For me every day I wake up and remember I have to take pills to have normal body functions, pills that of course have LOVELY side effects. From ringing ears to upset stomach to dizzy spells and hot flashes...it's just a ball let me tell you. And these aren't even the fertility meds I may end up having to take some day. I just wish for a moment that my life would be more carefree. I don't really think that people can comprehend how I feel because it's not a terminal illness. They're right, it's not cancer but so often I feel like people over look the disorders, diseases and syndromes that take over people's lives and may not pose as a life threat but they still keep people from living every day. I feel like I am imprisoned and chained to a syndrome that has taken over my body and my life and as much as people try to tell you that it can't define who you are, to some respect it will because I will always have PCOS. 

Tonight I'm discovering that I don't want to roll over like a dog and just take this...I want to fight it, and I will fight it, every day with all that I am, even though I am going through CRAZY embarrassing bodily changes that are out of my control...I am STILL fearfully and wonderfully made. 24 years ago my mom was told she wouldn't have any more children...yet here I am today and while I don't believe my story will be my future child's story...I choose to believe in miracles and to have faith. Right now my miracle would be losing weight, and getting my hormones stable and decreasing my symptoms and pain. It's a 24/7 thing and even though I'm taking medicines it doesn't just go away, but I will keep fighting because I'm extraordinary. I'm part of the 5% of women in America with an endocrine disorder that tries to steal our womanhood, and joy but I won't allow it, not for me. 

Life is so crazy but beautiful.

I have sooooo much going on lately and haven't blogged it and boy can I tell!!! =]
With Jayme and I recently graduating and finishing up summer classes while trying to finishing wedding plans, I haven't really had the time to just sit down and collect my thoughts. I figure since everyone keeps telling me how it all goes by so fast that I need to sit down and record my thoughts so i have something to look back on later on when all the madness sort of slows down. Let's be honest. The chaos never really ends, it sort of just shifts from one thing to another. But that's okay, I like staying busy.

So both of our showers were beautiful and lovely. We have never felt more loved and supported. All of the gifts, cards, well wishes and warm hugs just made our special days that much better and we are SO THANKFUL for those who were there physically or letting us know in spirit they were there =]

After that we had another BIG event in our life! We decided to both get baptized and commit everything we are and our relationship to God. We are fully ready for the ministry and plans that He has set for us and we are just waiting and enjoying life while we start to see those plans slowly unravel. I cannot begin to tell you how much we've both changed and it's been for the better. I am overwhelmed with God's love and His grace and I see every day more and more how much I need Him...not only need Him, but WANT Him in my life. I want to feel His love every moment of every day. I want to learn more about what it means to be selfless and love others. I just feel...different. And my husband to be...SO different. He's always had a beautiful, humble, compassionate and innocent heart. But lately it has just REALLY been able to shine through him and I'm so incredibly proud of the man he is and is becoming. With that being said, I'm so excited to cheer him on for training for the police academy. We're hoping and praying he does well on the testing but we have no doubt that God will bring him through victoriously if that is the plan for Jayme's life. =]

Next, oh man...wedding drama...there has been some drama but every time something bad happens it's like God sweeps it out and puts me in His pocket of grace. Some days, I literally feel held by Him. Fights have occurred, hurt feelings, stress, tears, and broken friendships but God is restoring it all and healing my wounds. He also is gracing me with beautiful new skin over those scars, such as...showing me strength in friendships I've never discovered before, money that I need, resources in general, helping hands and just the answers I need. The biggest drama was probably my dress......that's a whole story in itself.

Back in the fall when my mom was caring for my ill Aunt, I decided...as I was back then, that I was going to try to do EVERYTHING...literally it all on my own. I didn't want to stress anyone out and I didn't feel it was fair to take her from my Aunt. So I went ahead and bought a dress, online. I figured I didn't need the girly dress trying on experience because I've ALWAYS been a "tom boy" and I just kind of picked one and went with it. I didn't feel too connected to it or anything, except for the fact my Aunt had gotten to see a picture of it before she died. When I got it, it fit ALL wrong. I was soooo determined to get in that baby. SO, I've been working out like  crazy, eating healthier, etc etc. I was finally able to fit into it except well it just didn't fit in the chest area, let's just say that! AND can I be honest for a second? NOT all women that have a smaller waist, also have a small bust, let's just get that straight ;)  While I was trying to be super optimistic and work my tail off, I just started to FRET and worry about this situation. I no longer wanted that dress, and felt like after my Aunt died, I had a negative emotional connection to it, as well as not wanting to make my mom feel guilty for not being here, etc etc. The day comes to go pick it up from getting steamed and try it on...dun, dun, dun........

Yeah, no go...It fit everywhere but the bust, STILL...I couldn't breathe but we got it all laced up but it wasn't comfortable. The hem was about 2-3'' too short, you could see my feet. This was just NOT it. I held it all in during the fitting and just held back the tears. I didn't admit it to my mom or best friend that was there at the time but I felt so ugly I didn't even want to look at myself...I didn't even want to THINK about walking down the aisle in it, or getting pictures in it. This just was NOT my dress...soooo...I put on a smile and walked out the door with the dreaded dress. Not being able to eat or sleep ALL week because I've literally been up worrying about this stupid dress ALL week...I walk into the place we're having lunch and could not keep it together. All I could think was, well I'm gonna have to starve myself these next two weeks to be beautiful for my day. I did not want Jayme seeing me in that dress. I felt hideous. So as I got my sandwhich I still held back the tears until my mom just looked at my and my best friend grabbed my arm. Both reassuring me that it would be fine I couldn't hold it in any longer. We sat down and instantly I started bawling. If you know me, you know I don't do well with tears in front of others, or tears in public. I'm just weird like that. Part of that whole doing it on my own thing. So I BAWLED like a baby...it felt great. I needed that.

I admitted to them both about missing out on the girly experience and feeling like an idiot and wishing I wouldn't have chosen that dress. I wanted a dress to choose me and my dress was NOT doing that. It was rejecting me so badly in so many ways. So I talked with them both about ALL of my feelings, admitting I was wrong for trying to do it on my own and my best friend goes...well, we're still here and the bridal shop is right there...what do you want to do? What do you think Aunt Angel would want? Of course I answered, go get another dress. Thank God I've got friends to force me to think about what I want. I looked at them both and said, I don't know how to be selfish, I don't know how to focus on me...Jessie (my best friend) looks at me and goes, "That's okay, I can help you. This is something you deserve and need to be selfish for, this is your wedding and I know you're only doing this once." In that moment I realized ya know what...she's absolutely right. I will not enjoy this experience and day without feeling beautiful and my momma agreed. So we went back over to the shop after lunch, explained our situation and had a lovely woman help me try on some dresses. She had me try on 5 and it ended up being the first one I tried on. I walked out and instantly was crying and told my mom "I feel like a princess, I look like cinderella" and when I came out the second time in it, before I could even ask her if this was the one I looked out and she was shaking her head yes so fast and much that I thought she was going to give herself a concussion! =] So that's how I knew it was it. Sometimes I feel that way with Jayme. He fits my life, my purpose, my passion. He's everything I need and want in a man and helpmate and God knows that. All the others were just like the dress that got in the way of my real gown. Jayme is my ultimate. He's my soul mate and this whole day was so emotional but it was so representative of everything I've gone through to get to Jayme. I am SO thankful. The best part too was that I got to ring a bell when I decided it was my dress. They had me make a wish but I said a prayer instead that it would be cheaper and by george it was! I'm not shy to say I only paid $399 for a $699 dress! God is SO good all the time, even with something as simple as a wedding gown. Thank you God for having MY best interest at heart.

Why don't I trust...

I am such a doubting Thomas when it comes to my role after college and what God has in store for me. My Dad reminded me tonight that I need to finish school and wedding stuff before I try to load myself with a career or further planning for schooling. However, the world tells me differently. My Heavenly Father says to rest but the world says to worry. I get so caught up in what I need to get done for what's current on Earth instead of what's on my heart. Tonight my Dad also showed me a project from my first semester freshman year of college. I must admit I was MUCH more optimistic and not quite burnt out on college but it made sense. We watched/read the final lecture by Randy Pausch in this class I had to create my own final lecture. If you've never read or watched his I HIGHLY suggest to do so. It is SO rewarding and truly makes you think about the legacy you're leaving behind.
As much as our actions we leave behind are important in what we build for our families so are our words. Often what we do stems from our words. Think about it: a fight? a paper? a job interview? a test? etc
What we're speaking we usually hopefully maybe turn into action. At times we may NOT want to put our angry words into action. But other things we do such as commitment, promises, characteristics we describe ourselves with and other things we speak.
Words can build a city or tear it down and our words cut much deeper than we will EVER realize because most of the time, when we're hurt by others words we never say anything. It doesn't have to even be words SPOKEN but it can be the things left UNSPOKEN that breaks us just as easily.
I guess tonight I decided the world's words were not going to neither make or break me any longer. My long run dreams for the big picture 10 or 20 years down the road is to start a youth home or safe haven. I want youths to know that they're important, loved and smart. They have more potential than they know or than the world can possibly fathom. Most importantly they have purpose. I am SO overwhelmed with knowing I HAVE purpose, even though I have NO job/career started or idea of what I'm doing in August. ALL I know is that I'm going to enjoy the next 30 days approaching my wedding. The day I marry the best person for me. The one that God created with intentional purpose. I am so blessed beyond my measure. I cannot ever thank God or those around me enough that continually put up with my good, bad and UGLY. For that my heart says pay it forward, and so I plan to do so with my life whether that means I'm poor, a missionary, or have to go back for more schooling. At this point I've planned all that I can and now I just have to trust that I've planned accordingly to God's will and hang on for the ride I'm about to embark on. The adventure has just started.

On a side note, we took two weeks break in between seven and started our 7 daily prayers today. Might I say it's A LOT harder than I thought...I worry and burden SO much more than I need to (which is a sin) ugh. I'm struggling BUT I've been mindful and every time I stress, wonder or what if I turn to God in prayer. It's been super helpful for these two days because they've been the most stressful since graduation! Gah but God is good and faithful I will continually proclaim. I hope you all have landed in a pocket of His grace and are enjoying this spring season! Before we know it the summer heat will be upon us =]

What is going on...

I have been having such a strong joy in my walk with the Lord. The first month of 7 was amazing. At times I didn't follow my fast as strictly as I could have, but I plan on doing it again at least once a year so that I can constantly be grounding myself in Christ. Separating from my desires even of food was SUCH a hard task, so what will I do when He calls me to separate from my sin, flesh and earthly desires as a whole so that I can be living in the walk He has planned for me. My Lord and creator wants me to be joyful and to experience the fullness of His and my partner's love. My Lord wants me to rest in His moving peace. My Lord wants me to be healed by the soothing balm that He will place upon my heart. Because My Lord, My God, My creator is for me.

However, I have been wanting more. I want to know Him more, feel Him more and hear from Him more. It's funny because I hide so much in secret in my heart, but God sees it all. He knows my every desire, fear and flaw. Yet, HE still wants me...He wants me to accept His love and joy. He also wants me to accept His law to reach these things. This is what I've been having a hard time with. I've been asking God to help me discern His ways for different issues that I've been struggling with. I have sat back on these issues and decided I wouldn't deal with them until I HAD to...well sure enough He has placed things in my life where I now must deal with these issues and where I stand. I don't want to judge, condemn or belittle others. But I want them to know what their decisions and consequences lead them to. I keep playing the song changed by rascal flatts in my head. This song always hits my heart so hard. Especially because I am getting baptized soon. I feel SO changed. My love has changed and my heart has changed. It doesn't mean I don't struggle or have temptations but I trust the Lord with those things where I once didn't. I've also learned to trust that HE will guide me through these issues I am wishy washy on.

As I've been praying for answers I also have been upset that I don't have my spiritual mentor, my Aunt Angel, here to talk some of these moral and societal issues out. She was also SO wise and able to speak truth with love. Not even lifting it in a formal prayer I just simply sort of thought man I wish I could hear from her, I wish I could capture her wisdom on this...

So the other night God saw my desire before I knew it was an actual desire and He gave me a wonderful dream. If you don't know me, you should know that God speaks through dreams a lot to me. They make symbolic sense to me. In my dream my aunt was there prior her illness and she was basically the same Aunt as she was when she was leading at International House of Prayer. My mom and her were just hanging out and my parents house didn't have the remodel it does now, back in the day we had a pool and the huge stepping stones next to it. In my dream this is how our back yard was again. In this dream Angel (my aunt), Jayme and I were asking her HARD questions that were worth questioning and we were so distraught. She was answering and just saying how happy she was for us when all of the sudden the sky turned gray and it was about to storm. So we were still asking her questions when she said. Go get the word. Jayme and I looked at each other and were confused. My aunt said again, hurry go get the word, because it is about to storm. In the dream of course Jayme headed out into this powerful storm and had to yell the wind was so strong, he yelled to her, where is the word?! I can't find it. Angel said calmly back, it is AMIDST the stones. She put emphasis on amidst. Jayme shouted back, I cannot find it...what should I do? She then looked at me and said, you need to go help him find the word because this storm is getting  closer. So I went out and searched for maybe 30 seconds and then there was the word sitting in the middle of the stepping stones. This Bible was SO huge that it took the both of us to carry and we headed inside where the rain and storm began to violently beat up our surrounding as soon as we safely stepped inside. However, my aunt was gone as soon as I left the house to help Jayme.

This dream holds SO much symbolism to me and here is the breakdown.

• Angel being there, she's my mentor I always felt safe with her however she left when I started looking to the word for my answers, which is what I need to do. She is no longer here, I need the word because it is truth.
• The second big piece that sticks out to me is that Jayme and I as a team were asking questions trying to grow together...which is what we're doing now.
• Jayme left me to go find the word. To find God
• I had to leave my home to go be one in our search for God and we found Him and our guidance together as a team (we're getting ready to get married and become one in Christ)
• The Bible was found in the stones...stones represent barriers or things that could keep us from diving into what God is
• The storm....the storm is life. Think about it ;)

If you have any questions let me know. However, this is just a great way that God chooses to communicate with me. I just know during this storm, any storm and any stone...I HAVE to turn to the word and the truth of my creator to discover what to do.

We are starting our next seven phase tomorrow and it's seven daily pauses. Meaning we will schedule seven times a day that we stop and pray. Every other prayer will be with each other but also some praying on our own. I feel like this dream could NOT have come at a more perfect time. Good one God, you're at it again ;) 

A leader? SAY WHAT?

Tonight, one of my best, closest friends and sisters in Christ brought to my attention that she sees me as a leader. It was something I had never really though about and yet I've now heard it twice from two of the most important people in my life. Back in the fall semester I was drinking heavily. When I drank, my goal was to be drunk. It kept me from God, but also as important, it kept me from His people. I was among His people sure, but what was different from me to them? I had guilt. 
I could not just go out and party without a thought about it the next day. I always woke up thinking, my savior died so I could do this? So I could encourage my struggling, broken, aching friends to cope this way? This is NOT right...there HAS to be hope. There HAS to be more than all of this suffering.
I didn't know it then but I was already thinking of what it means to be a leader.
Webster's definition-Leader:The person who leads or commands a group, organization, or country.

No matter what your gifts or talents are, at some point in time God has or will call you to be one of His leaders, if you've accepted His gift of grace. This makes me realize no matter how much I feel like I'm not measuring up to this world or comparing myself to others (which is a sin I struggle with) God HAS plans for me to lead...lead people to love, hope, and salvation. That His people may find life through Him, His sacrifice and His love. 

1 Peter 5:2-4

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

² shepherd the flock of God among you, exercising oversight not under compulsion, but voluntarily, according to the will of God; and not for sordid gain, but with eagerness; ³ nor yet as lording it over^[a]those allotted to your charge, but ^[b]proving to be examples to the flock. ⁴ And when the ChiefShepherd appears, you will receive the unfading ^[c]crown of glory.

So many times we think of a leader as someone who has it all together, who goes above and beyond, we may think they're the people who are involved in every committee at church or in their work place. At the same time, we're forgetting about what God does behind the scenes. Although it is important to have organization, structure and discipline we often forget that it is necessary to KNOW who we're leading, in order to lead them according to what God wants. It breaks my heart when churches don't look in their own back yard and say how can I fully reach out to this community with love. It doesn't have to be a big event, or even something huge. It can be as simple as opening your doors and arms to people hurting. We need to reach people who have no hope, instead of ONLY investing in those who have found Christ. It is SUPER important to focus on encouraging and keeping our brothers and sisters in Christ accountable but we also have to expand the love of God. We cannot keep something so great to ourselves in our comfortable bubbles. I admit I have done so. The cry of my heart is that I'm continually reaching out to anyone and everyone that crosses my path. I want my legacy to be that I live out love. Hence the name of my blog, a phrase I've lived by since high school. Love is a verb. Act it out!

Less than 60 days!!!

OH MAN!!!!!!!!
I am so so soooo excited, because my wedding is in LESS than 60 days, and graduation is in 18 days! Life is getting crazy but I'm letting God take me there!
Today I had a bit of a breakdown just because of all of the end semester projects that accumulate towards the end! I'm excited that my college journey is almost over and I'm about to embark on a different path. I am so ready to be Jayme's wife and to start dreaming together towards our futures. God has big plans and He works in so many wonderous ways. I know that even when I can't see what's going on, HIS grace is enough for me to know that there's a plan =] Don't you forget that!!! Need prayer? LET ME KNOW! One of my goals is to be more helpful towards others...have a need? ASK ME!!! Seriously, I'm here to serve!!!
I pray you're having a great week so far.

ps:only a week and two days left for the first four weeks of our 7 fast and boy has it been hard, even though there have been times we've eaten what is outside of our fast, we went with our convictions and discernment and decided it's right to go an extra two days. God is faithful and knows our hearts, goals and passions. HE holds our desires in His hand. I am so excited to just keep delighting myself in the Lord.

MUCH LOVE! =]

Who am I? Who are You?

Another name for God...I am.
Think about it.
Tonight at small group this was brought up and it made me think why the emphasis on I AM...we have many religious songs that include this phrase or calling of God. What does that mean?

TO ME:I ask myself, who am I? Who are YOU, God? Who am I in Your image? I am, He says. 
Of course then I reply, You are what? Help me out here! And I FEEL like now that we are struggling/stressed in so many aspects in every situation and place I'm seeking answers, there God is saying. I am. HE is it. He's the answer and these are the ways that I see "I AM" in my life.

Exodus 3:14-God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM”; and He said, “Thus you shall say to the sons of Israel, ‘I AM has sent me to you.’”

These are the questions I ask...and how God answers with I am...
I need money and provisions, I don't know how I'm going to even get groceries or be able to pay student loans back...God says I am...He is the provider.

Psalm 54:5-Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me.

I have no idea what I want to do with my life and feel like I'm at a dead end with my degree...God says I am, I have a path for you.

Jeremiah 29:11-13-For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. ¹² Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.

Lord I am broken and I am ugly with all of my scars. I just, I'm not good enough because of my past, I don't compare to what others are...God says I am, I have made you in MY image.

Isaiah 61

Because the Lord has anointed me
To bring good news to the afflicted;
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to captives
And freedom to prisoners;
² To proclaim the favorable year of the Lord
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
³ To grant those who mourn in Zion,
Giving them a garland instead of ashes,
The oil of gladness instead of mourning,
The mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting.
So they will be called oaks of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.

⁴ Then they will rebuild the ancient ruins,
They will raise up the former devastations;
And they will repair the ruined cities,
The desolations of many generations.
⁵ Strangers will stand and pasture your flocks,
And foreigners will be your farmers and your vinedressers.
⁶ But you will be called the priests of the Lord;
You will be spoken of as ministers of our God.
You will eat the wealth of nations,
And in their riches you will boast.
⁷ Instead of your shame you will have a double portion,
And instead of humiliation they will shout for joy over their portion.
Therefore they will possess a double portion in their land,
Everlasting joy will be theirs.
⁸ For I, the Lord, love justice,
I hate robbery in the burnt offering;
And I will faithfully give them their recompense
And make an everlasting covenant with them.
⁹ Then their offspring will be known among the nations,
And their descendants in the midst of the peoples.
All who see them will recognize them
Because they are the offspring whom the Lord has blessed.

¹⁰ I will rejoice greatly in the Lord,
My soul will exult in my God;
For He has clothed me with garments of salvation,
He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness,
As a bridegroom decks himself with a garland,
And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
¹¹ For as the earth brings forth its sprouts,
And as a garden causes the things sown in it to spring up,
So the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise
To spring up before all the nations.

This verse is special to me, because this is the verse God has given to me for my life. Tonight I was reminded by the LOVELY, amazing, Godly women in my small group...I am...what does that mean when I say: I AM Felicia, I AM a child of God, I AM a bride to be, I AM a daughter and sister and friend...what does that mean? DO I speak with the confidence knowing that the GREAT I AM, made me in HIS image? Just a great way to think about it, especially while I am struggling with this fast and what I can or cannot eat. Am I putting my food and LIFE preferences before God's will? I pray that you will ask God and listen to His I am answers. Sometimes it's hard to understand what that means, but we have to seek Him and see what all He is wanting to be for us, because he's willing to be it all when He says "I AM".