Since my last post, I have been a vulnerable soul. Every little opportunity of sharing love I get, I take. It's like something new has awakened within me. It took a dark night, and breaking to really be able to rise the next morning with joy and light. I have literally been lit up like a fire in a desert. I feel so bright that sometimes I may hurt others eyes and maybe to some it's comforting. ALL I KNOW...is that I finally, for the first time in months, I have been refreshed...like that web page that won't load when you're trying to buy concert tickets that are selling out fast! Or like refreshing the page to hope for a grade update (I was a nerd who did this constantly). I was so stagnant...waiting...waiting...impatient...hurting.
Although we are to be patient because that is what love is, I don't think that is an excuse to be complacent. My husband constantly tells me, "You're so extraordinary...don't you remember telling me that you felt God had plans for you, big plans because you felt that HE told you you're extraordinary. Felicia Dawn, you are."
How many people are that blessed to have a reminder, every day, sometimes multiple times a day? My relationship with God keeps me sane. It makes me happier. I feel more alive. I love OTHERS more. I find purpose. My dad constantly was telling me through this time of my depression, "You're young, find what you love and do it, who cares what you have a degree in." But what he didn't understand is that I was so far from focusing on what I love, because it didn't measure up to others. I was SO caught up on seeing the extraordinary lives that others are leading, that I forgot I have one too! We all do. And in the midst of being so lost, I truly thought I had lost my purpose...but I only lost my sight of my purpose. There is SUCH a huge difference between the two.
I'm always saying that we are all just simple people on a journey, with stories worth telling, hearing, reading...
I forgot that the same could be said about me...
All I can advise, is to NOT ever EVER forget, you're worth it. You are a soul, encased in a beautiful display of physical matter. You take up space, because you matter. You're here because you matter. Think about your life and how you grew up...how will that forever impact your relationships, and those people you have relationships with. How will your story impact lives you may never know of. Life is so intricate, yet simple and at times, the biggest contradiction but what I know is that it is so amazingly, breathtakingly, beautiful if you just open your eyes and step into the light. It may be hard, it may hurt, but people are waiting to hear from you.
So while I fill out what seems like millions of job applications, I remember no matter the outcome I can still give glory where it is due. I can still walk a joyful journey. I just want to help others. That's all.
Also, I LITERALLY forgot that valentine's day is this week, maybe because my husband and I never usually celebrate it...but I have to tell an AWESOME story real quick....If any of you know me, you may have realized I'm sort of an "old soul" which my husband always tell me and jokes that I'm old, "You should've been born in the pioneer days or something." He's funny. But I have a deep passion for anything "old". I mean, my favorite movie is Gone With the Wind. As he was talking to a bunch of the guys at work they were haggling him about valentine's day and that he *needed* to get his wife something. His response makes me so proud "Well we don't celebrate it. She's not really into it." They told him, "Well you best get her something because she will complain if you don't even if 'she doesn't like it'" My husband then described me perfectly to his coworkers, "Well actually she hates holiday chocolate, she doesn't like roses and she would much rather have surprise flowers on any other day when she wouldn't expect them." They then looked at him funny and said "What is she, some traditional lady?". My adorable husband "Yes, she was meant to be born in the 1940s."
And THAT ladies and gents, is why he is my favorite person in the world =] ha, in all seriousness I hope you find love this season within yourself first and foremost. Then give that love to the world, romantic or not. I hope you know, you're cherished and important, regardless of your relationship status.
