Peace.

Over the course of the last 6 months, I have gone through some dramatic changes (at least, they are in my eyes). No, I haven't lost a significant amount of weight, gotten any new piercings, chopped my hair off (of course I have colored it, duh it's me we are talking about here) or changed my personal style but I have changed. I've found joy unspeakable and peace that surpasses all understanding. I've learned to cope with things, especially things that are out of my control. I've started to learn what it means to love myself. 

The last one, has not only impacted my life and how I treat others the most, but it has also been the hardest for me. If you truly know me, you'd know that I was seriously bullied from first grade until I graduated high school and even in college. It started when I had asthma and couldn't always run as fast as other kids, so they automatically called me fat, even though as a kid I was below average weight and height until I went through puberty (which was significantly young). Now we know why I struggled with the same symptoms I struggle with today, pesky pcos. It was the root of many problems, including the things I was bullied for- acne, my weight, having a big bust, and so on. Kids would say horrible things and posted something horrific about me on myspace (of all things lol) about my weight. I still remember it said, "who let the cows out?" On a picture of me and some friends. It was so hard to go to school every day and instead of hating them like most would expect, I began to hate myself. Which led to many issues later in life. 

And since I have began this road of self discovery and loving who I am, I have found out that I actually really love and like who I am. I've started to be able to see things that my husband, family and friends have been telling me for years. I've started to see myself the way I see others, sorting through the "bad" to see and brave the good. That's not to say that I'm not trying to improve who I am because I truly am but I've come to terms with the fact that I will never be a size two. I will probably always have a touch of acne. I will not always get the response from others that I want/or be liked by all. That's. Okay. It's alright. That's life. I am Felicia Dawn Thornton (Holland at heart still too) and nobody in the world is better than me, we are equal and I am doing myself an injustice by thinking otherwise. I've learned there's a difference between serving others and being used, there's more to life than searching for acceptance from others and rejecting yourself and I can always be a better person tomorrow than I was today. With that being said, in practicing humility (because I still want to treat others as I want to be treated) I am asking for YOU to be vulnerable with ME and tell me what you need. Maybe you need help finding a job, unspoken prayer request, detailed prayer request, vent session, advice, scripture, or just a friend that wants to catch up, please do not hesitate to contact me. I can't promise that I can be all things to all people or that I'll have all the answers but I can say I will try my hardest and I won't give up! 

Have a blessed week, I hope we all wander our way into a pocket of grace!:-)