Day 2- I'm going crazy.

It's true, day 2 and I'm already going crazy but it's not because I can't eat the foods I want. This morning when I woke up it was TOTALLY about wanting to eat something I'm not allowing myself to eat on this fast. Therefore, I had been in a grumpy mood. Then I started realizing (after reading the word) that it's not about what I get, what are others getting in this world? Then I took it a step further and applied to to much deeper things such as resources, education, aid, love, and all of the things that pretty much determine the path of a person's life.
I'm so blessed, not lucky, blessed in these manners. I have amazing resources because I have a privilege that I didn't even recognize until college and that is my white privilege. I never knew it existed until I started spending a lot more time in Urban areas or as pop culture refers to as "ghettos". I started discovering a way of life different to my own. I discovered a tough stride that most people outside of urban areas don't even know how to channel into. I discovered that I was looking through a white, traditional, conservative, lens. I didn't think about issues that didn't directly impact me. I didn't think about others. And today, just because I'm away from EPA, Jackson, KC...I got into my comfortable mindset of me, me, me.
It wasn't my hunger that made me mad today, it was my selfishness...my inabilities to....
Love my neighbors as myself.-Mark 12:31
I'm not saying every person is perfect, or deserving. But I don't see myself as deserving, I see myself as worth of grace. I see those who don't know any better or have the BEAUTIFUL blessings I've had not as less fortunate but just so much different from me. I ask myself...what can I learn from them? About myself? About them? About struggle or victory? Learning someone's story can give us a lot more compassion for them...why do we act, feel, speak, dress, and respond the way we do? Well you'd have to take time to listen to someone's story, good, bad, beautiful, ugly. All versions, not what we want to hear.
It becomes more apparent every day that I want to lose me to gain love.
I was thinking about my Aunt Angel so much last night. For those who don't know the story about my Aunt Angel...she was my spiritual go to besides God. She gave me so much advice. She helped me understand who I am. She passed away in November, after fighting a short but aggressive battle against cancer. The wonderful qualities of that woman...I could write a whole blog about her and some day when I can handle it, I may actually write an entry on her. But for now all you need to know is that she literally accepted every person who walked into her life. She hardly ever shopped anywhere but goodwill. She turned ugly things into beautiful creations that seemed so unrealistic. She was the image of a Proverbs woman and she loved people.
She has been my inspiration to give a helping hand. I may seem crazy for giving up almost all food (except 7 types), or for wanting to live in an area where hope seems to be lost, or for wanting to reach out to people who may never even respond. You may call that crazy...the world certainly does. But I call that...Faith.
I have faith that I have the potential to be greater than what I've thought about myself in the past. I have faith that God can move mountains that I can't even climb. I have faith that I have a greater purpose in this crazy, chaotic, sad, beautiful, and mysterious thing called life.
"I wait for You and my soul finds rest
In my selfishness, You show me grace"-Aaron Shust My Hope Is in You

 I pray that hearts would be broken and they would see the tragedy right before their eyes. Lord I ask that my eyes be constantly opened to the needs of those around me. I pray and cry that my heart be broken for what breaks yours Lord. Give me your eyes, arms and hears. Let me see what you see, and experience what you feel and hear the cries that also go up to you in prayer. Let me be a broken vessel for a lost world. I thank you for the good and bad and Your forgiving grace. Let it be.