What is going on...

I have been having such a strong joy in my walk with the Lord. The first month of 7 was amazing. At times I didn't follow my fast as strictly as I could have, but I plan on doing it again at least once a year so that I can constantly be grounding myself in Christ. Separating from my desires even of food was SUCH a hard task, so what will I do when He calls me to separate from my sin, flesh and earthly desires as a whole so that I can be living in the walk He has planned for me. My Lord and creator wants me to be joyful and to experience the fullness of His and my partner's love. My Lord wants me to rest in His moving peace. My Lord wants me to be healed by the soothing balm that He will place upon my heart. Because My Lord, My God, My creator is for me.

However, I have been wanting more. I want to know Him more, feel Him more and hear from Him more. It's funny because I hide so much in secret in my heart, but God sees it all. He knows my every desire, fear and flaw. Yet, HE still wants me...He wants me to accept His love and joy. He also wants me to accept His law to reach these things. This is what I've been having a hard time with. I've been asking God to help me discern His ways for different issues that I've been struggling with. I have sat back on these issues and decided I wouldn't deal with them until I HAD to...well sure enough He has placed things in my life where I now must deal with these issues and where I stand. I don't want to judge, condemn or belittle others. But I want them to know what their decisions and consequences lead them to. I keep playing the song changed by rascal flatts in my head. This song always hits my heart so hard. Especially because I am getting baptized soon. I feel SO changed. My love has changed and my heart has changed. It doesn't mean I don't struggle or have temptations but I trust the Lord with those things where I once didn't. I've also learned to trust that HE will guide me through these issues I am wishy washy on.

As I've been praying for answers I also have been upset that I don't have my spiritual mentor, my Aunt Angel, here to talk some of these moral and societal issues out. She was also SO wise and able to speak truth with love. Not even lifting it in a formal prayer I just simply sort of thought man I wish I could hear from her, I wish I could capture her wisdom on this...

So the other night God saw my desire before I knew it was an actual desire and He gave me a wonderful dream. If you don't know me, you should know that God speaks through dreams a lot to me. They make symbolic sense to me. In my dream my aunt was there prior her illness and she was basically the same Aunt as she was when she was leading at International House of Prayer. My mom and her were just hanging out and my parents house didn't have the remodel it does now, back in the day we had a pool and the huge stepping stones next to it. In my dream this is how our back yard was again. In this dream Angel (my aunt), Jayme and I were asking her HARD questions that were worth questioning and we were so distraught. She was answering and just saying how happy she was for us when all of the sudden the sky turned gray and it was about to storm. So we were still asking her questions when she said. Go get the word. Jayme and I looked at each other and were confused. My aunt said again, hurry go get the word, because it is about to storm. In the dream of course Jayme headed out into this powerful storm and had to yell the wind was so strong, he yelled to her, where is the word?! I can't find it. Angel said calmly back, it is AMIDST the stones. She put emphasis on amidst. Jayme shouted back, I cannot find it...what should I do? She then looked at me and said, you need to go help him find the word because this storm is getting  closer. So I went out and searched for maybe 30 seconds and then there was the word sitting in the middle of the stepping stones. This Bible was SO huge that it took the both of us to carry and we headed inside where the rain and storm began to violently beat up our surrounding as soon as we safely stepped inside. However, my aunt was gone as soon as I left the house to help Jayme.

This dream holds SO much symbolism to me and here is the breakdown.

• Angel being there, she's my mentor I always felt safe with her however she left when I started looking to the word for my answers, which is what I need to do. She is no longer here, I need the word because it is truth.
• The second big piece that sticks out to me is that Jayme and I as a team were asking questions trying to grow together...which is what we're doing now.
• Jayme left me to go find the word. To find God
• I had to leave my home to go be one in our search for God and we found Him and our guidance together as a team (we're getting ready to get married and become one in Christ)
• The Bible was found in the stones...stones represent barriers or things that could keep us from diving into what God is
• The storm....the storm is life. Think about it ;)

If you have any questions let me know. However, this is just a great way that God chooses to communicate with me. I just know during this storm, any storm and any stone...I HAVE to turn to the word and the truth of my creator to discover what to do.

We are starting our next seven phase tomorrow and it's seven daily pauses. Meaning we will schedule seven times a day that we stop and pray. Every other prayer will be with each other but also some praying on our own. I feel like this dream could NOT have come at a more perfect time. Good one God, you're at it again ;)