Growing up my family didn't have a whole lot of money. I never went without but we lived pay check to pay check. I was made fun of for the clothes I wore or even the off brand snacks I brought to school. My momma shopped at three different grocery stores and clipped coupons like crazy. My mom made a tiny budget work.
Back in December when we first moved up to GR when had no money. We spent all our savings on our apartment and since my husband started his job the week the plant got paid and gets paid biweekly, we went three weeks without a check. During that time we had less than $100 for what we needed. Well should have been what we needed. Luckily, my mom was here to help us get groceries for a week with $30 for the three of us. My mom then shared a secret with me, she used to shop for our family of four on $50-100. I was mind blown. I never have appreciated grocery shopping until she told me that. The planning and preparation she did for grocery shopping so that she could utilize what resources we had. We never were on aid or assistance but not because my parents thought they were too good. But because they wanted to earn all they had. They wanted my sister and I to really value money. And unfortunately I can't say that I always have.
I'll be the first to admit that I tend to be an impulse buyer. It may be because I didn't have a lot of the things I wanted growing up, it could be because it relieves anxiety for me, or it could be because something is just a great deal and I can't pass it up. Either way, I've let my parents hard work and efforts to teach me a lesson go in one ear and out the other.
As I ask my husband now "can I or can we get this or do this" he says yes. He never tells me no. And while that may seem great, it's bad. Because I've talked so much about what I missed out on as a kid, my sweet hearted husband is trying to make up for that. Little did I know that's the main reason he can't tell me no.
Today as his face went blank and he just sat there silent on the couch, I knew something was wrong. I crawled from my end of the couch to where he was sitting and just smiled at him. I got nothing in return. So I knew something was up. Tears filled his eyes and I asked what was wrong. Anticipating what always follows that he said it, the dirty, ugly, scary word in our house "money". I felt like a failure as a wife, best friend and partner. I ask and ask and ask. He gives and smiles. I don't realize the toll it takes on him. I never spend without asking him but he never says no.
So after talking about the differences in us growing up with money and how it was spent/saved etc. We decided that we will have to come up with our own system. One that works for US. I will ask for less and when I feel a "want" coming on, I will put it on a list. He will be more active and say no when the budget can't handle it. We want to tackle any and all debt which isn't much aside from student loans. We want to build a foundation where money is saved, but not worshipped. We want to build a foundation on fulfilling needs and getting to the wants when we can.
As our convo ended I looked up at my husband and looked into his eyes and said "That happy wife, happy life stuff is crap. It's about a happy us. Because part of my happiness is seeing you happy and where you need to be. It isn't about my materialistic wants." I haven't seen my husband smile that big in a while, as I watched that smile brighten up his eyes, I noticed a sense of relief and peace come across him.
It was so cool to bring Jayme to my world today. We walked through Aldi and he was amazed at the prices. We went to meijer afterwards and compared prices on what we got (basically a fun scavenger hunt) and we found that what we got for $20 at Aldi, we would've paid $37 for at meijer. It made me smile and feel nostalgic and more thankful for my mom's preparation and my dad's hard work, more than ever in my life.
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